i will always remember

yesterday morning i woke up, and watcher was hiding out in my closet... not a usual thing for him....

after a few minutes i realized something was wrong, he was very unresponsive.. and just kinda out of it....

i called and left a msg for the in home vet, and headed to work....

erin came into work, and i explained i wasnt sure how long i would last....

joan, the vet called me and after explaining what was going on... she asked me if i felt it was time for him to go, and i agreed.... he has given up... she said she would rearrange her schedule and be at my place at 8a (today)

i decided to go home and spend the day with watcher......
he had i cuddled and sat together all day.... he was very weak, unable to stand and barely hold his head up.....

i even sat on the front step with him so he could feel the sunshine.....
i constantly told him how much he meant to me... how he was the best kitty in the whole world, and so handsome...... i also told him that it was ok to go, that he had such a good long life.... that he overcame so many things.... that i was blessed to have him, especially this past year and half.....

around 7 i called my dad to tell him what was going on...he was sad to hear, and explained how he has always dreaded this call.... i explained to him that i wish he would pass on his own, so i wouldnt have to make the decision to put him down.....

around 8 my friend lee came over, cause i was sick of being all alone all day and crying.....
around 8:30-9 watcher started coughing a bit.....

and then he was gone....
it was hard to tell at first, so i called CARE to ask for signs.... 
and then i knew he had passed.......

i think he knew thats how i wanted him to go....
i feel so lucky that i was able to be home with him, that i wasnt traveling....

i brought him to the vets this am to be cremated... this is something i have to do... i dont have a special place to bury him, with my dad and i moving all the time.....

even though i have been trying to prepare myself.. one is never prepared.....
even though i know he was on his 10th life..... its still hard that hes no longer here
i know hes in a better place, i know he knows i loved him......

watcher shurkus august 1987- october 16 2007

i will always remember the day he was born
i will always remember naming him right off the bat... he was the first kitten to sit up and look around....
i will always remember begging my mother to let me take him home
i will always remember paying for all his vet bills with my 5th grade allowance
i will always remember walking around the woods with him tucked in my coat....
i will always remember my step brother rough housing with him, his arms filled with scratches
i will always remember the night our parakeet got out and watcher killed him, he was such a hunter...
i will always remember taking him camping with us on a harness and leash
i will always remember the time he ran away for 2 weeks.... coming home all skin and bones
i will always remember when life started to get complicated... he would always go where ever i was and adjust....
i will always remember the attitude he gave everyone... not very lovey.... except with me
i will always remember the looks i got when i was packing for school each semester
i will always remember how happy he was when i came home....
i will always remember the first time he got fleas.... all his years out doors he never did... until we moved into an apt complex
i will always remember when his mood started to mellow... and change....
i will always remember how in awe i was that he let friendly kitty come around with out a fight
i will always remember him coming down to my craft room asking me to goto bed with him, since it was getting late
i will always remember how good he was when i had to give him insulin, most of the time
reminding me
i will always remember how scary it was when i learned he had cancer on his tongue.... but he is a fighter
i will always remember his voice, his meows... how he would talk back to me....
i will always remember him begging to go outside in the rain not knowing cats dont like to get wet
i will always remember he was my lil sunshine kitty hating winter as much as me
i will always remember a year and half ago, when matt spoke up and we took him home, instead of putting him down.... he had a good year and a half
i will always remember him being there for me.... knowing when i was sad, sensing when i was upset....
i will always remember how he was there for me at the start of the summer... moving with me, helping me feel not so alone....

20 years.... i will always remember....

thanks for letting me get some of that out.... i prolly wont be blogging for a few days....

Comments

[Nancy]

I am so sorry to hear of Watcher's passing... a huge hug to you my friend.

[Cathy]

Jenn if it helps any Watcher went along with a friend of mine yesterday too. Gray Girl pasted around noon yesterday. I know she was waiting to welcome Watcher into Cat heaven. She will love having a strong friend like Watcher with her. I am glad Watcher got to go with your love surrounding him. You gave him a great gift. Many hugs.

[Mary Kahler]

Thinking of you and sending hugs. So glad you went home yesterday to be with Watcher. Take care, maryk

[LucieG]

Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

[june g]

jenn i am so sorry about watcher. from all of your great photos of him i can tell he has a wonderful spirit that will watch over you.

[Natasha Trupp]

I read your blog last week, and saw that you were worried about Watcher, I was hoping he would be okay. I'm sorry to hear that he is gone. I'm glad you were there with him in those last moments, and thank you for sharing all those wonderful memories about him. I just lost one of my cats last Friday, so I definitely feel for you.

[Janice]

My heart aches for you, Jenn. I know you've been keenly aware of his limited time here on earth with you; however, I also know his death in no way diminishes the loss and grief you're feeling. There's a big hole now left in your heart that was once filled with the love you and Watcher had for each other. In time, that hole will heal with memories of the times you spent together. Watcher was lucky to have you as his "mom" as were you to have him as your "son."

[melissa]

there are no words here for you right now, just a hug and a shoulder. love you, bff.

[An Old Friend]

Jenn,
It has been a long time since I have seen you...but every once in a while I stop bye to see what new and exciting things you are creating.

Its been a while since I last checked your blog and for some reason I felt the urge to check this evening. I understand why now. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how difficult it is and how precious your relationship with Watcher has always been. He couldn't have asked for a better mom.
He will always be by your side, watching out for you and enjoying the sunshine. My thoughts are with you.

[Samantha]

I am so sorry. Your post has me in tears. I can tell how much he meant to you.

I wanted to share my favorite poem with you and know you will be in my thoughts and prayers....

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[Sarah B]

my sympathies.
Sarah

[Tisha]

Oh, Jenn - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Watcher was so lucky to have you, and vice versa! Special cats, like special kids, are only given to special people! Take care of yourself ... big hugs.

[Michelle]

OHHH Jenn, I am sorry sorry to hear the sad news!! Sounds like he was pretty special!!!

[Michelle]

Jenn~ I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I loved reading all your stories about him and seeing his pictures; so handsome for sure! My thoughts are with you.

[Kim Langston]

Sorry but I had to shed a few tears for you and Watcher. Sounds like he had a great life and unfortunately it was time. I am glad you got to spend a few more hours with him. Goodbye Watcher.

[Heather]

Oh Jenn, I'm soooo sorry to hear this. No matter how much time you have to prepare, it's never enough to keep your heart from hurting over losing your baby. You're so lucky for your day with him and he was lucky to have you to take SUCH good care of him! *hugs*

[tami]

Hi Jenn-
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful post you wrote. It made me get all teary eyed. I am thinking about you during this difficult time. Take it easy. Big hugs.

[Stacy]

Love you!

[Lyndsay Neumann]

Oh Jenn. *hugs* I'm so sorry!

[judi]

Jen Im so sorry for your loss.my thoughts are with you.

[scoopy (Emily)]

Oh Jenn, so sorry to hear about Watcher. Thinking of you...big hugs!

[Holly]

i'm so sorry... my uncle's dog died today. maybe they were there together, running. i love this poem:

The Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place.

There are meadows, hills and valleys and lush green grass.
There is always food and water, and warm Spring weather.
All of our friends are warm and comfortable, free of fear and worry.

The old, frail animals are young again.
Those who were abused, hurt or maimed are made whole again.
They are happy and content, and they play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing.
They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth,
someone they had to leave behind.

So, each day they run and play, until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up.
The nose twitches. The ears are up. Their eyes are staring.
And then one suddenly runs from the group, flying over the green grass, their legs running faster and faster.

You have been seen.
And when you and your special friend meet, you cling together in joyous reunion.
You take your pet in your arms and embrace.
Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting friend.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

Author Unknown

[CHRISTY]

JENN
i am so sorry that you have to go through this...he loved you so much...you gave him the best...i am always here if you need anything...xoxo christy

[Michelle M White]

Oh, Jenn...I'm so sorry. Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Novell]

Jenn, I'm so sorry. I hope you meet each other again on the Rainbow Bridge.